Devils’ Draft Prospects Should Go Through New Jersey Orientation

From YouTube

The NHL draft is the day many young hockey players see their lifelong dream come true. For many, that also means being shipped off to an entirely new city. Any potential New Jersey Devils’ draft picks will be welcomed to the Garden State. 

Us New Jersey residents are very prideful people. If you want to join your ranks, there’s a few things you’re going to need to know. With that being said, the New Jersey Devils should have a ‘Welcome to New Jersey’ orientation to teach players what’s it’s like living in the state that pumps fists, not gas. 

From NJ.com

Parkway Driving

Remember that scene in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean‘ where they say the pirate rules, “are more like guidelines?” That’s how we look at speed limits on the turnpike and parkway. If it says ’65 MPH’ that means at least 75. Another important thing, stay out of the left lane unless your driving like you stole something. 

From Goldbelly.com

Pork Roll And Taylor Ham

It’s the true delicacy of our people. Acceptance is important. That’s why we should accept people who call it Taylor Ham or “pork roll. We shouldn’t have people for what they call it, we should hate them for having New York or Pennsylvania license plates. 

New Jersey Terminology 

All draft picks should have to take a written test on the special language we have in New Jersey. Do you know what PEC is? What’s the significance of Exit 98 on the GSP? How do you avoid BENNYs on MDW down the shore?

From The Guardian

“The Sopranos” Marathon 

Tony Soprano is our muse. All prospects should be required to watch the greatest television show in existence, from start to finish, to appreciate its greatness. They should all watch it together. It can be a team bonding activity!

Pizza And Bagel Tasting

This one is probably the most important on the list. Don’t even think you’re going to come to the Garden State and order pizza from Papa John’s or have a fancy dinner at the Olive Garden. Even worse, don’t think you should ever buy bagels from Dunkin Donuts (the thought alone scares us). If you’re Canadian, they’ve dealt with Tim Hortons long enough. Let’s show then what they have been missing. 

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