It was a cold Sunday night and when the clock struck midnight. The calendar turned to December. The Christmas tree was already up, and front lawn filled with various light up decorations, but it was finally time. Not only was it the holiday season but that meant we only had 23 days to write our favorite article of the year. It’s our holiday masterpiece.
For all of you who want to carry on in Frank Costanza’s tradition you’ve come to the right place. Get your Festivus poles ready (shouldn’t take long, they require very little decoration) and sit on down. As Jerry Stiller famously said, “I got a lot of problems with you people!”
The Jack Hughes Incident
Remember that one episode of “Family Guy” when the restaurant made Peter wear a helmet and floaties because they were afraid he’d drown in his soup? We demand every restaurant the team goes to from now on treat Jack Hughes with that same care. That steakhouse in Chicago should have had a maître d cutting and feeding him his steak so he didn’t have to touch anything sharp. That could have saved the team from his 18-game absence.
Markström’s Extension
You win some, and you lose some. Early on, it appears the Jacob Markström extension may have been a mistake. Though, it is still extremely early.
Sometime he cooks a great five-course meal just like the rat in the climax of “Ratatouille.” Other times the cooking might not be so great. It happens, and only time will tell.
“Six, Seven”
As Devils Army Network’s self-appointed meme czar I love memes! It’s very rare I don’t bask in the glory of internet hijinks, but that’s what I’ve come to do with this “six, seven,” nonsense. Why are people doing it when it doesn’t even make sense?
It made perfect sense when the Florida Panthers won by that score in a crazy overtime victory. Why are people doing it on the jumbotron at Prudential Center when the score of the game is 4-2? Maybe I’m just getting old.
Games Arlette Isn’t At
We get it. The Devils’ anthem queen is a busy lady. That’s understandable for someone with as much talent as she has. Still, whenever a game doesn’t begin with the patriotic stylings from the lady in red it just doesn’t feel right. Here’s to more of Arlette at the Prudential Center in 2026.
Prudential Center Garlic Knots
When it was announced garlic knots in a goalie helmet would be available at concession stands this season we were excited. Unfortunately, the reality does not live up to the hype. Instead of being warm soft pillows of buttery garlic goodness they’re hard and bland like a hockey puck. At least the souvenir goalie helmet was a nice touch.
TNT Network Schedulers
Look, it might have been a month ago but we’re still mad. Why did the Devils game against the Chicago Blackhawks in Chicago have to start at “9:30 pm ET” on a weeknight? Be better!
The Prudential Center Mummies
Apparently they found mummies when Prudential Center was being built and people started joking that it “cursed” the team. It seemed like a stupid joke but there may have started to be some believers after Hughes’ steakhouse injury.
What do we have to do to reverse the bad luck? Burn sage? If we have to get Brendan Frasier to handle it we will.
The E-Z Pass Race
When did we start doing an E-Z Pass jumbotron race? Are my tax dollars funding this sponsorship? Nobody likes E-Z Pass, we literally pay for it because we have no choice. Can’t we put something else on the Jumbotron?
Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen
What a tough name to pronounce. We’re pretty sure Buffalo Sabres fans have trouble with that too. Having to say it multiple times during a broadcast is not something we envy Sabres’ broadcasters for.
If it wasn’t for him the Devils would have had an easy 3-0 lead after the first period on Sunday. Instead the Devils lost 3-1. Hey, at least Jack Hughes scored!
The Minnesota Wild
The script writers had it all laid out for Quinn Hughes to join his brothers in the Garden State. It was a storyline so perfect and heartwarming it sounded like it came straight out a Disney Channel movie. Oh, and the actual team might have benefited from having another All-Star defenseman as well.
That’s what could have been, but no. The Wild had to swoop in with Zeev Buium and company, a name which is a name almost as hard to spell as “Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen.” Thanks to former Devil Bill Guerin the family reunion will have to wait.
Final Thoughts
Well that does it for this year’s edition. We hope you enjoying reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it. Actually, it was quite therapeutic. What do you say we do this again, same time and place, next year? Now if you’ll excuse us, we are going to eat Christmas cookies until I can’t button my pants.
Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good night!