Frank Costanza’s favorite fake holiday is here! It’s December 23 which means Festivus is upon us! Every year here at Devils Army Blog we have made a tradition of writing out our Festivus airing of the grievances for the New Jersey Devils! Things are better than last season so there’s less grievances to air, but if growing up in an Italian household has taught anyone anything, it’s that you can always find something to complain about.
This year’s list isn’t too long. If New York Jets fans wrote their own airing of their grievances it would have been longer than a senior thesis. We would have to read through it for days. So, pull up a chair and put up your Festivus pole. In the immortal words of Jerry Stiller, “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people!”
Prudential Center Struggles
The Devils are weirdly better on the road this year as opposed to at home by a significant margin. At home, the Devils own a 10-6-1 record, meanwhile, on the road, the team is 12-5-1. As long as the team is winning and remains in a playoff spot this it’s a silly problem to have, but it’s odd nonetheless.
Is Prudential Center jinxed? Do we need Aaron Rodgers to come help re align the chakra at 25 Lafayette Street? Should Kyrie Irving come and burn some sage at center ice?
Max Pacioretty
The hit on Jack Hughes during this month’s game against the Toronto Maple Leafs wasn’t dirty per se, but it sure seemed unnecessary. It was certainly also not the turning point in an eventual Toronto overtime victory like was the subject of a Twitter quarrel between James Nichols and Bill Spaulding.
Fanatics
Everyone’s favorite sports company to have a beef with; so why not us? We have seen CCM jerseys from the 1980s that’s in better shape and better quality than some recent jerseys. It would also be nice if they made t-shirts that could survive being washed more than three times.
Devils Marketing Department
The San Jose Sharks dropped a killer holiday music video for Christmas. The fact that former Devil Mackenzie Blackwood makes an appearance after he was traded two days before the video got released makes it even better. Why didn’t the Devils make one?
Nothing would have put me in the Christmas spirit more than Erik Haula dropping verses about a white Christmas. They wouldn’t even have to write an original song like the Sharks, just have the team sing Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town!” It would have been the Devils Marketing Department’s best idea since drafting Luke Hughes! We kid.
Cake Pops
This is a personal vendetta for me. A few games this season I’ve sat in the areas of the arena that have buffets. You know what I mean, like the Lofts and the Pier Club. When it was time for desert one of the many offerings was always cake pops. Those have been notably absent this year.
After chatting with a friendly Lofts worker he told me that apparently whoever is in charge of ordering the food stopped ordering cake pops. Bring back the cake pops! They were the perfect indulgent way to drown the sorrows of a loss. The fans yearn for the cake pops!
Thanksgiving Eve
When I was in college Thanksgiving Eve often meant going to overcrowded bars to buy overpriced drinks. Nowadays, it usually means the Devils are going to find a way to depress me. Think of recent Devils games to take place the night before turkey day in recent years and you’re hard pressed to find a night fans left Prudential Center happy.
Back in 2015, there was the infamous, “Henrique scored, but the referee meant to blow his whistle game so it doesn’t count,” game against the Columbus Blue Jackets. Two seasons ago, was the night not one, not two, but three calls were called back and chicken fingers started flying. Last season, against the Detroit Red Wings (in Detroit, for the record), was the first time in over a year they Devils were shutout. History repeated itself this season when the Devils lost 3-0 to the St. Louis Blue before we put our turkey in the ovens.
The St. Louis Blues
As if the 3-0 Thanksgiving Eve shootout wasn’t enough, last week’s game had to become a free flying slug fest of fists. To quote the famous 1970’s song, “Everybody was kung fu fighting”. We expected, and were glad, Jordan Binnington didn’t throw any water battles in the melee. Chill out, St. Louis. Go pet one of your therapy Clydesdales.
Getting “Goalie’d”
Remember that scene in “Space Jam,” where Bugs Bunny gives the rest of the Looney Tunes water but calls it “Mike’s Secret Stuff,” and they all start playing better? That’s what I imagine happens in the locker room to every middling-goalie about to play the Devils.
Thursday night, we got the latest example when Elvis Merzlikins stopped 40 out of 42 shots in a 3-2 Columbus Blue Jackets victory. Every time a goalie with a sub .900 save percentage plays against the Devils they turn into prime Marty Brodeur. Not really, but it sure feels like it.
Gotham Sports App
Goodbye MSG Go app, we hardly knew you. Instead now we have the Gotham Sports App. It was supposed to be an upgrade, as now it included content from the old YES Network app so it was one home for both their content and games as well as MSG content and games.
Bottom line, the app is slow and lags too much. It’s still showing the December 21 game against the Pittsburgh Penguins (don’t spoil the ending for me). To borrow a joke from the great Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy , the Gotham Sports App is so slow that if it got in a race with a pregnant woman, it would finish third.
Happy Holidays!
We hope you enjoyed his year’s list. All of us here at Devils Army Blog with you a Happy Festivus and Happy Holidays! Now go watch the Festivus Day game against the New York Rangers! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!